Updated: Aug 11, 2018
Good morning everyone. I would lie if I said this morning started off good. Well the sun is shining here in Stockholm and I woke up in a mood of hunger. Not even hunger it was a urge. An urge I have now and then. But instead of doing the breakfast I went straight to the freezer and open my box with frozen cake!?
Why would I have cake in a freezer you might think? But the truth is I can’t have anything like that out because I will eat it. So instead of throwing it away or let it get old I freeze it down, so I can eat it on my “cheat days”. I am strictly I would think, on my everyday basis and I train daily. But now and then I have the urge of binge eating. Now days I would NEVER purge (puke/ throw up) I left that in my past. I have struggled with eating disorders as far as I can remember but today I would say I am pretty much out of it or it is at least as good as it can be. But today I lost the control of my urge to eat something sweet. I know that when I have been out of my routines and my eating habits, I get out of control and I do this from time to time. Now I am laying in bed because not only did I eat all the cake but also my whole breakfast. So I’m so full I can’t even stand up. I have learned to accept these moments and not be mad at myself. It happens so quickly, and I react to it so fast and even when I sit there eating the cake I feel so ashamed and I know its so wrong. I am always trying to go back thinking, what triggered this binge eating this time or was I just hungry? Anyway, this wont ruin my day and I need to accept and move on. Not many people know this about me, but it is a daily struggle sometimes between eating to little and eating to much. That’s why I need routines; food schedules or food prep as I call it. And for my own good not have a lot of sugary things at home. Because sugar triggers every bit of my brain to over-eat. If my brain could choose, it would eat anything with sugar instead of food, forever. So sugar is my weakness.
I will go to the gym soon and today is leg day, so I will use the energy to work as hard as I can today, move on from this binge and get back on track.
Lately I have been so busy with the wedding that I forgot or to be honest I did not have the time to eat and that also triggers binge-eating for me. Because when I start eating again my body will react, so it is actually normal. Maybe somebody who reads this will recognize this behavior or maybe you never felt it, either way this is an important subject for me and telling about it makes it easier and less shaming some how.
I hope everyone have an amazing day, I wish I had time to go visiting the beach today, but I’m going to open up my e-commers shop and run an ad so I need to work with that.